Listening to: Eve 6 - Inside out
Current thoughts: I don't know what to believe anymore
Mood: ticked off

Reminders  and rememberences

The harsh reminders of the past.  I look in my backyard and I still picture the 2 swingsets in my backyard.  I see myself 9 years ago scared to go on the monkey bars, having to have my dad carry me on his shoulders to just act like I'm going across.  Then I see myself jumping up and down excited because I did it by myself.  I see the playhouse that used to be there, the day me, Alex, and Chelsea played truth or dare in there.  I look in the front yard and I remember everything that went on there.  The day we dug up the front lawn because someone lost their necklace there and we got carried away with the metal detector and found lots of things but the necklace.  I remember when I played baseball with my dad, kickball with the neighbor kids, 4th grade playing football with the boys.  I remember when I tried to mow the lawn and lost control only to run into the fence and have a lizard jump on my face.  Running into my neighbor's house because I had cut myself with glass and I was afraid to face my parents.  Crying in kindergarten because I was a skunk in the school play and the people who played horses were making fun of me.  Crying in the 1st grade because the boys were saying "Nina and Steven sitting in a tree..."  Throwing little tantrums at my neighbor's house because I lost at dominos.  Accidently killing that little bird because I was trying to keep it from running away.  The day I woke up at 4 in the morning only to be sent back to my room because my dad didn't want me to see him sick and then waking up the next morning with my grandmother there because he went to the hospital.  The day my mother left, how I insisted on going to school the next day only to be sent back home because I was sick.  All the times I embarassed myself arguing with Erica.  6th grade being the best time of my school life, not being shy to talk to anyone, not being afraid to do anything, being able to talk to guys without caring what they thought of me.  I remember when I ran across the gym because I thought I was short enough to go under the volleyball net without bending, and I fell right in front of the guy I liked.  Falling in algebra class in front of the guy I liked yet again when I got stuck in the desk somehow and I hit my head on the next desk.  The little experiments I used to do with my uncle, getting in trouble for making that concoction that ruined the next door neighbor's white truck, turning it permanently pink for the rest of its car years.  Going to car races, meeting new people and feeling like I could be myself there more than anywhere else.  Buying my dad that one real father's day gift, better than just a card like my kid years.  I felt happy because I thought of getting this gift all on my own, well after seeing the commercial for it.  It was one of those picture cakes, a picture of me, him and my sister.  Meeting Joseph...and getting to know him.  He seemed like the perfect guy, still does, but I'm too young for that.  
 
I think that should conclude for now.  I was in a thinkative mood today...I was mad for a long time .  And I mowed 2 whole lawns, front and back, and it didn't help out my mood.  It only made me more sick than I already was...LaterZ people
 
~*~Nina...~*~